Our impatient world is robbing us of our humanity.

Can you think of times where you felt like you needed to get ahead of the traffic on the road by you swerving from one lane to another, in spite of knowing at some level that an accident could happen anytime?

Or maybe you just couldn't wait to get past that annoying person in the supermarket holding everyone up with their three items at the checkout? Ever noticed hints of this dysfunctional and yet completely normal behaviour in yourself? Almost certainly you will be saying yes! Impatience is certainly nothing new but in this article, I would like to explore the possibility that it is becoming far more intensified and harmful to our mental health.

“One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.” Chinese Proverb

Impatience is sadly symptomatic of our ever-narrowing and distracted awareness that flits from one shiny object to another like a magpie in a world driven by social media and instant digital gratification. We essentially are living in a toxic virtual reality where the notion of living mindfully and taking in the moment is starting to feel more and more alien.

We are programmed hypnotically to address the next notification or alert on the god in our pocket, rather than stop and allow the human realization to kick in that leaving the phone alone or just breathing and taking our time before we respond, or not, is what has always been part of our ability to gain perspective and rationalize as humans. Unfortunately, more e and more we are being conditioned as our attention is robbed by the virtual world at the expense of us living peacefully in the real world.

One could say that living in a culture where things happen instantly is quite simply the ideal breeding ground for impatience. Who doesn’t enjoy the immediacy of wanting something, and have it fulfilled in the blink of an eye? In our world today, we get to enjoy quick and easy deliveries, instant communication, swipe-right romances, and on-demand entertainment.

It can feel frustrating when our internet doesn't connect right away or the parking meter doesn’t take our credit card, suddenly it all seems too much and unbearable. We are becoming less resilient and tolerant of the little things life throws at us, and so the contemplation of dealing with the larger more challenging things feels almost impossible or unthinkable. In fact, in our world today we may be losing so much more because of our distracted less adept attention spans; our composure, perspective, awareness of options, and belief that we can handle it without blowing up. Boom!

The physiological effects of impatience

When we get impatient, our body releases cortisol. This makes our body release glucose which can cause unhealthy effects in the body when it builds up. Stress stimulates platelets, making them more likely to clot in narrow arteries in the heart This process in turn can cause a heart attack. These hormones can cause fat cells to release fat into the bloodstream.”

Sometimes when things are not going the way you want, it is hard to remember what else might be out there. Focusing on the present is important - this will help you feel happy and content with your surroundings.

Ways to Cultivate Patience.

We develop patience as we practice it. Every person can learn new ways to relate to themselves, other people, and life in general. But it's not something that just happens overnight - it takes time and effort! Below are some ideas that might be helpful for you:

Noticing times when you lost your patience and what it felt like

Commonalities often exist between different instances of impatience. Awareness of triggers can help us prepare for our own moments. It's possible that today isn't the day though.

As we become aware of the felt sense of losing patience, we can mindfully choose ways to soothe the irritation.

Use the STOP practice

This mindfulness practice can be used to help you strengthen your patience before challenging situations arise or when your brain is running on emotions. It’s easy to remember:

S is for Stop what we’re doing or maybe saying to take a deliberate pause.

T is for Taking a mindful breath or several mindful breaths. Narrowing the focus of attention to what the breath feels like as it moves in and out of the body.

O is for Observe the bodily sensations, thoughts, emotions, and even urges that are present in the moment, acknowledging they are natural and already here.

P is for Proceed. Having taken the opportunity to check in, choosing the wisest way to proceed. What next step is best to take, or not to take with the longer term in mind. If the body is still highly activated, maybe choose to do the STOP practice again.

Practicing being patient with the smaller stuff.

Of course, the more frequently we exercise patience, the more it will develop. Make it your goal to be patient on 3 - 5 separate occasions daily. For example, let someone merge into traffic in front of you, stand mindfully in the queue at the supermarket, or hold the door open for someone entering the building. These gentler choices will stack up and help you form a kinder, more flexible approach.

You can give yourself a break by moving or doing something else. Moving and shifting focus is a good way to refresh your mind and allow you to get back to work more refreshed.

Sometimes, the best approach might be to step away. Feeling trapped in these challenging situations is natural. The more trapped we feel, the more likely things will escalate. The body wants to move. Even if we can’t walk away, we can still allow mindful movement in the hands, feet, neck, torso, or shoulders.

Changing your attention to sound, smell or taste can be beneficial. Try stretching your body to give yourself a chance to explore what freedom of movement feels like. Simple movements can help make you more aware of your body.

Try the vagus nerve release technique which you can watch here.

Reflect on circumstances.

Sometimes it might not immediately seem like a delay can be a good thing, but in some cases, the delays can even make the project better. You know that feeling when you were waiting for something to happen, like someone calling back with a date, or an offer of a job, but then something even better came along? Try to record these moments as a reference point for the next time you start being hi-jacked by impatience.

When you're faced with a difficult situation, take a step back in order to analyze it. Consider the fact that in the span of only a few months, your current issue may not even matter anymore.

Always remember that you are in control of the moment and the story you sometimes tell yourself. So, if all else fails just say stop, take a deep breath, and affirm loudly ‘I choose peace rather than this. At that moment you are once again consciously in control so become aware of what you are thinking and feeling, so don't fight it or analyze it, just notice it and let it go. Learn to slow down, realizing we can't always have it our own way, and the likelihood that the moment will pass and you will easily survive it is almost certain. Remember the old adage that life is ten percent what happens to us and ninety percent of how we choose to react to it.

About the author

David Faratian is the principal hypnotherapist at The Cumbria Hypnosis Mindfulness Clinic. He founded Cumbria Hypnosis in 2006 and since then it has consistently been one of the highest-rated and reputable hypnotherapy clinics across Cumbria, South Lakes, and The Northwest. David specializes in a full range of psychological issues and has a dedicated site devoted to each issue. Visit www.cumbria-hypnosis.com