Worry is the driving force of general anxiety. The origin of the word worry is actually to strangle. We strangle and contract our Lives when we worry. We worry because we think doing so, will solve our problems and allow us to feel more in control but in reality, it cuts us off from life.
Two main types of worry
There are two types of worry that affect people, worry over things and worry over thoughts. The worry over things is obvious. We worry about our health the health of our loved one's money relationships careers. We worry about whether we turn the oven off after leaving the house.
The second type of worry is the one that only people with anxiety really suffer from and that is the worry over thoughts. Those are worries about how we think and thoughts like why can't I stop thinking about such bizarre things? The second type of worry can turn in on top of itself and prompt a vicious cycle of fear in our thoughts. In this discussion, we're going to address the worry over things. I doubt there's anyone alive who doesn't know what it's like to worry in the west. We've turned worry into an art form. We worry about the minor things, like will I get to the appointment on time, to the more serious things, like how will I survive now that I'm out of work?
Everyone has different types of worry, and it's all relative to the person that's going through it. What can seem like a disaster to one person can seem like a trivial matter to another at the deepest level the one worry almost every human suffers from is a worry about belonging. Will I be accepted by my peers, family, society? Will I be loved?
So what can I do?
Before I discuss how to tackle worry you first need to ask yourself, honestly if you're really willing to give it up?
That may sound strange but it could be argued, you actually want to keep worrying because you feel you need it. Many people are reluctant to let go of worry for fear they'll succumb to some danger. Worry can become a habit that we feel is the only thing keeping us safe and out of harm's Way, we rush around in a state of panic from one thing to the next in the false belief that if we slow down for just a minute everything would fall apart and it would all be our fault because we dared to stop worrying. That might seem a bit exaggerated but nonetheless, it's the reality for many people. It's the way our anxious minds work.
Maybe you think that worrying over your career or your finances keeps you more secure. Maybe you think that fear of illness keeps you from doing things that might cause that illness. The reality is that if you actually stop worrying you wouldn't be any more or less in danger than you already are you would not suddenly miss deadlines or forget to pick up the kids or pay your bills. It's a myth that you need to be driven by worry and fear to get things done without worry. You'll always have the ability to engage the aspect of your brain that's capable of anticipating future events and problem-solving.
Ground the reactive, irrational mind
You don't need to be motivated by worry to become a better person. Here's how to apply the mindful response to worry over things. Let's say, for example, you have a fear that a loved one who got ill and recovered but now you fear that illness might return. Begin by diffusing the "what if" worry each time it manifests itself. What if his illness comes back? How will we cope then? Oh, well, if that happens, it happens, we'll have to deal with it, but right now that hasn't happened, so I'm not going to obsess over that right now.
Then allow this worry to be present without getting upset by it tell yourself that it's perfectly normal to be worried about such things and don't beat yourself up every time a what-if thought intrudes. If we're presented with a difficult problem, we can wish for the future to be different and make plans to change our situation, but we must first accept reality as it is here and now so that means if you've lost your job or you've just had a health scare once you have overcome the initial shock of that painful experience choose to let it go just for now.
You then need to move into a state of acceptance in order to move forward. Acceptance gives you that starting point from which you can move forward without adding additional worry to the problem. It allows you to start enjoying life while still encountering the challenge that's present. But the challenge now becomes easier because you're actually giving up the most tiring part of any particular challenge, which is the constant worry over it. The what-ifs may continue to loop, so you'll need to diffuse them, accepting that such anxiety is normal to feel. If they loop incessantly then run towards them by taking a piece of paper and writing them out over and over. This has a powerful releasing effect.
When that's done engage with something and move your attention fully into what you were doing. If you weren't doing anything in particular before the worry over things arose find something that engages your attention so that the anxious part of your mind stops obsessing over your fears. We need to learn to focus on the here and now and take each day as it comes
Worry is generated when we feel we can't control it. Sometimes there are things that we can act upon and in that case, taking action can do a tremendous amount to alleviate the worry if there is an action you can take to address your worry, you'll feel more in control and less anxious. So for example, if you've just lost your job, you might go about taking action by doing the following. First of all, write down precisely what you're worried about then write down what you can do about it next and decide what to do.
So if you ever catch yourself worrying about some matter, determine if this worry is something you can take some decisive action on or if it's a worry about something that's out of your control. If it's something you can act on, list the problem and make a note of it and what needs to happen to resolve this concern, and take just one step today to move you closer to resolving the issue.
Set a reminder to come back to that step later in the day. When you have more time to address it properly. Just making these notes helps alleviate the worry if you describe yourself as a constant worrier know that it's just a habit and that you can train your brain differently. You can override that worry habit with a simple exercise of feeling all right and looking after it at this moment. You do that by reminding yourself several times during the day that the important things in your life are just fine right now. You might say to yourself. All is well right now. It's not that you're pretending you don't have problems in your life. But outside of that. It's important to look at the bigger picture and focus on the important things that are just fine in this moment things like the health of your loved ones and that you have your basic needs, like food and shelter
Remember to focus on the important things and remind yourself that at this moment you are safe and OK to help switch off the constant sweating over the small unimportant stuff. As you do this exercise you will have what-if fears of something going wrong to those important things in your life, that's normal and the way to avoid falling into that trap is to remind yourself that you are only focusing on this very moment. Not the future you say to yourself that right here and now at this very moment, the important things are just fine.
The people I love are alright at this moment. So that means in the bigger scheme of things all is well right now. And then just rest in that knowledge don't start to worry about tomorrow or the next day. Stay present in this moment. Give yourself permission to feel reassured and safe in the here and now. This is a powerful thing to remind yourself of every opportunity you get it sends a message to the anxious worrying part of your brain to take a break from worry even just for a few minutes at a time.
This is not about choosing to be blindly positive ignoring what's wrong in your life nor is it giving yourself assurances of what will happen in the future, it's simply looking at the basic fact that in this very moment most of the things, the really important things are as they should be. No, they won't always be but right now they are, so why not enjoy that why you can. The cemetery is full of people who would love to have your troubles if it meant they could have just a moment of time back with their friends and family.
Do this exercise as often as you think of it in order to make it a daily habit when you're walking shopping driving washing the dishes tell yourself the important things in your life are doing just fine right now. Your mind will, of course, will rush in to worry you about other things, you know are not going well in your life when that happens just allow those anxious thoughts to surface, but then follow with a yes, but in the bigger scheme of things, the important things are fine right now.
You deserve a break from worry. Just think of how much time you've spent worrying over things that never came to pass think how draining all that effort was for your mind and body. Will you give yourself permission to break the worry habit?
Give yourself permission every now and then to stop worrying and settle into this very moment where the really important things in your life are doing just fine.
I think you deserve nothing less.
Have a mindful and peaceful day.
About the author
David Faratian is the principal hypnotherapist at The Cumbria Hypnosis Mindfulness Clinic. He founded Cumbria Hypnosis in 2006 and since then it has consistently been one of the highest-rated and reputable hypnotherapy clinics across Cumbria, South Lakes, and The Northwest. David specializes in a full range of psychological issues and has a dedicated site devoted to each issue. Visit www.cumbria-hypnosis.com
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